Excerpt from "Notes from being Single"

I used the style of Fyodor Dostoyevsky to rant about my life as a single male. Here is an excerpt from what I have so far.

"What was I doing wrong? I assure you I have never done anything to any of these beautiful girls from the past. I have treated them like a princess, yet I still get trampled on like a Persian rug, just less valuable. I bought roses, cards, and chocolate, but no matter what I try, I still get the same monotonous response that absolutely destroys my self-worth. Ladies and Gentlemen, as you might have already guessed I have been rejected in many different ways. One time a girl I was close with came out as a lesbian when I asked her to formal. I repeat, she came out of the closet when I asked her to formal. I am 95% sure she came out at that moment just to avoid going to formal with me, which is fine because I don’t need such a selfish shrew in my life anyways. I realized that other guys are more successful in their conquest for formal date. I must admit though, I am jealous."

Want more? Coming soon!

Voices in my Head

I believe there are 3 different types of voices: the voice we use to speak, the voice that we hear in our heads, and voices from other people. I believe that we do not have full control over the voices in our heads, which means it is our default natural setting to think upon facts our mind is certain about. But hey, as long as those thoughts aren't voiced out loud, you are good right? But in the Wallace video it says that it is real freedom to think upon our surroundings. To be conscious of what is really important in life. But the voices in my head make that particularly difficult. Mainly because the voices are negative most of the time, judging others and complaining about how boring schoolwork is. But I choose not to think like that. Because that was the way I used to think during middle school and it unnecessarily made my life more negative and boring, being unaware of the wonders outside my selfish thoughts. I was very introverted during middle school, so I kept my thoughts to myself. I lived in that depressing world of selfishness and negativity for the 2 years of middle school because I wasn't able to make many friends. When I got accepted to Sage, I started to appreciate the smaller things in life, like being able to go to schools, having a car, having a nice house to settle after moving in from a foreign country. And then I realized I could be conscious of my thoughts and live each day of my 4 years of high school with a more positive attitude.

Haiku Stuff

Chilly New Year
Hazy beginning
January fog

Old street piano
rough keys
owner says back off

Shriek of terror
shadowy figure emerges
Kitty cat

Time is running out
No other choice
Fills in C

Avoiding my swing
The baseball
Reads my mind

I'M IN LOVE WITH DA HO HO!

My idea of a perfect relationship is when I can be comfortable with my partner and enjoy spending time with him or her. I realize a lot of people struggle and stress over achieving the perfect relationship, which I believe is unnecessary. If we do not enjoy being with our partners during a relationship, then what is the point of being in one? The funny thing is I have never been in a serious relationship, yet. If I ever find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, I look forward to having a good time being myself instead of trying to recreate a romantic atmosphere.

Relationships are very important to me not because it proves my worth in society or my social status, but it means my heart has made a connection with a potential soulmate. It is also the stage before marriage so I consider potential mates very strictly and seriously. I don’t look for someone solely based on their attractiveness, but also someone who has a charismatic personality.

However, relationships these days have lost its meanings and significance. A plethora of people I have witnessed think of relationships as a temporary pleasure seeker, which honestly disgusts me. One thing I have realized about relationships is that a lot of people believe physical intimacy is a bigger priority over emotional intimacy. Sex is a beautiful life miracle, but it is abused way too much, especially when no emotional connections are made prior to the happy times.

Break ups are even worse, especially when the couple has invested so much time and effort to maintain that relationship. I have noticed that less serious couples who break up go through less emotional pain and heart break than serious relationship couples. It means that someone’s heart has invested in the relationship but the separation made him or her feel robbed of something very dear.

Curtain Calls

After the joyous celebration of Christmas, New Years is right around the corner to conclude the year. However, before I jump into 2015, I look back and reflect on how I have matured and developed as a human being. Did I complete any resolutions set at the beginning of 2014? Yes. For example, my introverted nature was almost completely demolished as I resolved to be more outgoing. I said hi to people in the hallway, I engaged in conversations with other people, and most importantly, I finally became confident enough to talk to females. Yes I admit, I had many problems with girls back then, it was a constant struggle for me to even say hi to any girl, let alone ask a crush out on a date. My sheepish nature brought upon many rejections and I believe that this bitter defeat helped me become a more confident person. Confucius once said that there are three ways to gain wisdom: First, by reflection, which is the noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest. So I guess I took the bitterest route. *Sigh* Anyways I believe I made a plethora of fun memories because I established close friends whom I can depend on. Which lets me close the curtains to my year of 2014 in satisfaction.

Split Harmony

In baseball there are nine players who have access to their specific area on the diamond. However, the players have a natural sense of cooperating with one another despite the territorial split, which is evident in a plethora of baseball plays. As I stand on the mound ready to pitch, I think to myself, can I strike this batter out or should I let my teammates make the play for me? This is a level of trust that I need to put into my teammates to make an effective baseball team. Striking the batter out is not something my pitches can do very easily because of its lack of movement and its speed compared to other pitchers on my team. However, I can let my teammates make the plays for me. If my teammates get outs for me, I can spend less time and pitches on each batter. Obviously the other 8 fielders cannot do anything if the pitcher does not pitch at all. Every player has a dependency on other players because no one can play baseball alone. Another significant connection is between the pitcher and the catcher. I trust that my catcher can stop my curveballs or any bad pitches, so it won't go behind him. Knowing this, I can throw my curveballs without worrying that it would go past the catcher. It is also evident amongst the fielders. As I play second baseman, I occasionally make a bad throw to first base, but I put full trust in our team's first baseman because I know that he will catch the ball. Therefore it is a harmony of trust between all nine players. Each player can do their job and move efficiently if everyone can do their part in making plays. I trust my teammates' abilities and I try to perform well so I can be a reliable player on my team.

I got 99 problems but a pitch ain't one

I recently started pitching for Sage's baseball team and since then, I practiced non-stop to master the delivery of my pitches. As I stood on the mound, I felt nervous and hesitant about what results would come out after I threw the next pitch; this fear limited my throwing abilities and led me to throw everywhere except the strike zone. I practiced harder everyday to fix my shortcomings. It was grueling with the sun beating down on my neck. I could feel each sweat bead crawling down my skin as I delivered with all my might. I stared intently at the mitt I was supposed to throw into, thinking about how I should throw straight into the glove. However, my pitches never seemed to listen to me. As it dashed towards the mitt, missing the strike zone in the process, it felt as if the ball was a wild animal out of control; I was just providing each pitch with velocity, so it could travel its own pathway. I spent months trying to tame this wild beast, knowing that if I succeed, I could use it as a weapon to "strike" fear into the batter as they meekly swing and miss. However, the journey to assume authority over my pitches is a difficult task, especially when I lack experience playing baseball in general. However, I felt a strange sense of calmness while I practiced on the mound, which helped me focus on my weak points. I realized I was pulling the ball too hard with my fingers in a futile effort to add velocity into my pitches. As I practiced constantly releasing at the same point , my pitches have become significantly accurate. I can slightly adjust the pressure of my index and middle finger to change the location of where I want my pitches to travel. I also practiced following through after finishing my pitch, so that I can increase both consistency and the velocity of my pitches. I used to be hesitant and meek when I stood on the mound, but I learned that enjoying the intensity and the responsibility of being a pitcher stokes the passion that burns furiously in my heart.